Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
