My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
