if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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