I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
