Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
