just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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