She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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