Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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