can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
