At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
