I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
