i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
