So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
