dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
COCAINE IS GR8
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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