That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
