I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
