Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
