Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
3pm strippers are depressing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
