I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I pour the whiskey from now on
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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