I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
