I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
