Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
