I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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