life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
