Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
