I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
