I want to make a zoo with you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize