I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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