Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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