that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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