And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
