i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
