i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
