how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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