Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
