I want to have your abortion
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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