I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
