Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
