he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize