Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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