He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
