If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
