that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
