I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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