He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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