So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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