I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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