just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
