we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You smell like stripper and shame
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
