A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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