I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
