My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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