I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
