More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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