She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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