Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
