And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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