She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize