I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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