Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
