Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So much rum. So many feels.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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