I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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