I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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