This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
