Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
