you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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