A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
