Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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