i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
