he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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