My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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