I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
