Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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