dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
