i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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