good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
