What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
