You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
