how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
